as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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