Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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