I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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