If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
