apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
