I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
