Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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