Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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