If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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