Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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