k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
