Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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