She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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