There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
