i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize