Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
