I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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