i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
