Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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