please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He shit in the fireplace
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