apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
