I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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