Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
