I puked a lego.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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