What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
