Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
