OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
