I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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