the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
