i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am available for nakedness
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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