I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
