used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
