Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
