I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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