First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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