I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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