Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
