This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
