She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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