i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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