true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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