I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
