Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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