I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
