I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
