and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
