I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
