so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize