You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
