Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I intend to get homeless drunk
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
