I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
