Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
