i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
