I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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