i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
