the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize