I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
