I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
