i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
