Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
