look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
