She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
